Dear friends,
It gives me great pain to have to inform you that my daughter Caitlin committed suicide in Brisbane, Tuesday August 5. There will be a funeral for Caitlin next week - probably Wednesday afternoon, and if you’d like to attend you are invited to join us in a celebration of her life. Following the funeral there will be a wake.
At the moment I am consoling Caitlin’s mother – Justine and my son Miles. Caitlin was an extraordinary person – beautiful, inquisitive, strong-minded, and far too bright. She was tormented for the last 6 or 7 years of her short life by severe depression.
I spent a close hour with Caitlin a week before she died. We walked the dogs together and chatted happily. It started raining and we got soaked. The whole experience was very lovely. There was no indication of what was going to happen only a short time later.
She has left us now, and I am left with the look on her face as she lay there, yesterday. There was something serene in her at that final moment. Somehow she seemed to have found her peace.
All of us who loved her are hurting badly now and will for the rest of our lives - she was such a special person. I thank her for the 18 short years she gave us. She will remain alive forever in my heart and my mind.
Michael
7.8.14
I just heard the awful news and I cried for Caitlin who could no longer cope with life. I remember her as a small child with very curly hair, and later at the family Christmas dinner when she quietly asked me for serviettes. (She had noticed I had forgotten to put them out and she very tactfully took them and passed them around.) I did not know her as well as I wanted to, but I so enjoyed hearing about her, and I do agree she was beautiful, in mind as well as body. I immediately unpacked the owl and the eagle and they are now prominently displayed in the house. Every time I see them I think of her soaring above life's sadness and sorrows. And I see you and Michele making a garden for Caitlin and that is helping me. And I can imagine her overhead supervising.
Matthew Anthes wrote:
The most intelligent 18 year old I am yet to come across, her mind and worldliness were that of someone far beyond her years. I am utterly devastated to know that I'll never again be able to read or hear her highly intellectual thoughts on a particular topic, or to see her beautiful smile again. I have four sisters all of a similar age and after meeting Caitlin, she became my fifth. My heart is aching for everyone who formed part of her life, and for the simple fact that such a beautiful soul has been lost. Caitlin was interested in science and that is what we often spoke together about, so I'll leave a few lines/facts derived from a speech, originally given by a physicist, that I have edited. Not only would she have enjoyed this, but those mourning her loss may find some comfort in it as well.
"The first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. All your energy, every vibration, every bit of heat, every wave of every particle that was Caitlin, remains here in this world. All the photons that ever bounced off her face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by her smile, by the touch of her hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed. Energy is given off as heat, the warmth that flowed through Caitlin in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives. Those who loved her, they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith, for scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can examine the evidence and satisfy yourselves that the science is sound and that there is comfort in knowing Caitlin's energy is still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of her is gone; she is just less orderly."
When I first met Caitlin in 2011, I was struck by her knowledge, composure and maturity...yet she was only just 15. I was a small part of Caitlin's life for the next 3 and a half years and was lucky enough to get to know her as the beautiful person she was. We had some great conversations about life and the world around us. We cooked some great food, took some amazing photos, made some funny videos and sometimes just sat in each others company. You were a unique individual Caitlin...the world needed more of you! You will always be missed, but never forgotten...our beautiful CW
Anita Berry wrote:
Dear Justine
I am so sorry to hear your sad news about the loss of your beautiful, Caitlin. I didn't know Caitlin well, but came to know her through your eyes, as a lovely, individualistic, young woman of great courage and personal presence, who was so well loved. Years ago I was privileged to sit on the beach at Pallarenda and watched the trail of Julien Comets pass over. It was a rare and mystical experience that was over all too quickly. I like to think that the lives of those like Caitlin, who leave early are like that: Beautiful souls that come once in a lifetime into our lives like the comets, then oh to quickly they pass through on their own personal orbits, leaving behind a trail of indelible memories of rare and beautiful moments. I hope that your memories bring you, Miles and Michael and all those who Caitlin has left behind, consolation and the peace that she has found.
Sadhana Peterson wrote:
My heart has been breaking this week with the news of the untimely death of our friend Michael’s daughter, Caitlin, a beautiful and creative soul who we have known since she was a baby. A hole in her shape has been left in the fabric of the world.
Dr Michael Sanders wrote:
We have all shed tears at this news. Sadhana and I have known Caitlin since babyhood. More recently she made a great impression on all of us when she visited with Michael. I know that Mara has had regular contact with her since then, and Sadhana has from time to time showed me posts that Caitlin had made on Sadhana's Facebook page.
What a devastating disease depression is! Michael's email rightly outlines Caitlin's qualities, and it seems to me from my experience and reading that those who are more gifted, sensitive and imaginative like her are much more deeply affected by depression than average. When it is severe endogenous depression, intelligence and rationality are no protection, and neither is the greatest love of family and friends. When the right medical treatment can be found then there can be some relief, but that is a matter of luck even when the best psychiatric help is available. It is doubly worse when it hits through teenage years when one has to find one's way with relationships and goals in life. This is a tough enough task normally, but depression takes away the hope and optimism that pushes us through the difficulties, and a young person does not have the experience of surviving that helps older people to keep going.
You also rightly allude to her torment, and to finding peace now. I was once talking to one of my patients who had fortunately survived a serious attempt at suicide. She told me that at the time she decided to kill herself there was such a sense of relief and happiness that the unbearable pain she was suffering was going to end. It is reasonable to hope that Caitlin's experience was something similar.
I was also talking last week with another of my patients whose young adult son suicided some 20 years ago. He told me that he coped by thinking of the good times that he had shared with his son, and hoping that those times may have helped ease his son's suffering.
[I keep crying as I write and edit this email....... ]
With much love
Michael
Dear Justine, Michael and Miles, We are reeling at the news and can't stop thinking of your tragic loss. Justine and Caitlin were the first to see our newborn baby girl Arianne, and I will never forget Caitlin's beauty and perfection. May the long time sun shine upon you All love surround you And the pure light within you Guide your way on All our love, Cathy, Chris, Arianne and Lamar
The Heart
Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.
- Rumi
Justine’s cousin Deb Greenwood wrote:
Oh this is such sad, sad news. My heart goes out to Caitlin, and to you, Michael and Miles.
Deep Peace: A Gaelic Blessing
Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
May the moon and stars pour their healing light on you.
Lee Hutton wrote:
It was a special time we shared together, creative spirits. Forever in my heart - I miss you Caitlin xx Lee
Louise Harries wrote:
Oh Caitlin we have so, so, so, many memories of you. We remember your quaintness, your artiness, creativity and how unique you were. We remember you from school, Italian lessons, birthday parties, mime show, lip-syncs and general plays and sleepovers at each others houses ( Georgia mostly ). Oh and rolling your eyes at Miles on the way to Italian classes. We found some lovely photos and sent them to your Mum. Georgia also spoke to you fairly recently on Facebook. This is so difficult to write, its too soon to be saying goodbye. You were so adorable Caitlin, RIP and we will be thinking of you. Lots of love xxx
Kaye Pullen wrote:
I lost my son 19 years ago in a car accident. I found a lovely poem that I put by his photo and I thought you may like it.
Don't think of her as far away
Her journey's just begun.
Life holds so many facets
this earth is only one.
just think of her as resting
from the sorrow and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years
think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.
and think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched
for nothing loved is ever lost
and she was loved so much.
Justine wrote:
My little possum. I was so lucky to have you for 18 years and you have left a huge hole. You would be amazed at the outpouring of love and affection you have generated - and you would be so uplifted and it might have eased your pain. Mental illness is such an insidious disease but you fought it with such courage and determination. You were a tiger - or a possum with claws more appropriately. Love you Sweetie. And say hello to Claude. Xx